The ancestors gift

We have a certain habit in the western world to romanticize native ancestry a bit. We don't often hear of the ikky stuff we're not comfortable with but I think its a neccessary thing to know, just to keep things grounded. My Maori ancestors were into cannibalism and slaves.....ewwwww, I know, but nevertheless they did have some amazing ideas (none of which was Kai Tangata/manmeat or slavery). One in particular has been essential in my own developing, healing pschye. In complete contrast to their somewhat brutal lifestyle, I consider it to be quite an 'evolving concept' for me. Used in todays world and applied to the self-worth wounds we all know and wish we understood, it heals and helps to bring us past that which holds us back.

It is the concept of the self-universe. Old pre-christian Maori cosmology taught that each person is the center of their own universe. What is starting to work particularly well for me is the understanding that that is the only place I need to be.

As a child, regardless of whether or not we had the most caring parents in the world, we will have come to a point where we came to understand that we were not the centre of our parents universe - that somewhere something else came first. In that moment, our sense of self-worth is first wounded. And even with the most caring parents in the world, we cannot possibly be the centre of every decision at all times, simply because they too are human, with moments of selfishness and fear.

In many cases, the worst things in the world really did come first....and in others it may have been a perception of something coming first such as a new baby or a job. Whatever age we are at, when that happens, will govern how we continue to perceive each situation in our lives that re-illustrates the idea that we are not the centre of our parents universe. People will often go through their lives using the same coping mechanisms that they developed at that very age creating behaviour patterns from then on.

For me, as a miltary brat and the oldest of four, I often felt somwhat out-in-the-cold. Just about every oldest child I have ever met knows the words......'you're the oldest, you can cope' or something to that effect.
There's a special growing sense of invisibility with each child that comes into the family that you just kind of quietly ignore when you're the oldest girl. Isn't sibling placement fun! hehehe....we all have our hangups on that one. And military kids come to understand very early on that things like the career, booze, guns and mates will always come first. The pressies when they come home again for a bit are lovely but watching the next door neighbour go out with her Dad every weekend kinda outlines that perhaps something's lacking a bit in your own family dynamics. So I set about 'helping' without being asked to - even when people didn't want it - especially when they didn't want it cos clearly they needed it! Haha - its probably why oldest girls often have the reputation of being bossy. But it was my way of saying....no, no - you need me - I matter. I continued to behave this way well into my 30s before I recognised the behaviour pattern, what it did and where it came from and why it had to go.

So this is why the self-universe works for me........in my meanderings, I already understand that everything matters. All that lives and breathes matters on a deeply spiritual level. The life giving energy of the larger universe we live in feeds on the experiences we bring it. It takes it into itself and records it for all time and it all grows and creates life.

To know also that I am the centre of my own universe, which is the only place I need to be, changes everything. I no longer feel the need to paint myself into the centre of other people's universes like a child's drawing on a photo. That's a lot more energy I can put elsewhere! Thanks Tipuna/ancestors!