The human pschye is an amazing place but it has a tendency to gravitate toward the negative. How many of us become the criticisims of the people around us. Its so easy to take the ideas that others impose upon us for their own very human reasons and keep them as precious core beliefs. Painful memories are more easily called upon than happy ones. Rather than let things go and release our pain, we tend to hold on to it.....stuffing it down inside ourselves to keep it where we want it. And why would we want it? Why would we work so hard to keep it? Because we have in our minds the idea that the person who caused the pain can be changed - that their attitude towards us can be changed - that one day they will say sorry and they will be the person we hope they will be.
We don't have to give up on them to release that pain. We just have to accept them as they are.....that that's just where they're at and their reasons for being they way they are...are very very human - just as we are who are for the same reasons.
And the truth is.....whether or not they change is irrelevant. If they did turn around and apologise and change and become the person our idealistic label for them tells us they should be.....the chances are we would find some other reason to hold onto that pain. Because we have convinced ourselves we need it. It has become such an integral part of us for so long that we are addicted to it - like cocaine. And just like cocaine - it makes us sick - in body and mind. We must kick it or we can never evolve.
So it is a habit and it is not our natural state of being. When we start to dwell on the negative, when we call up the memories that hurt, when we indulge in the criticisms of others that we know not to be true.....we gotta try to remember to reach for the positive. A happy memory or a mantra to use as a weapon. Eventually it will become instinctive. When that happens we will start to really win.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
How Extraordinary
How extraordinary are the moments of quiet. I often come short of the philosophy, 'Speak little, listen much' but today I didn't - and it was beautiful. There are moments, if you lie quietly in the early morning, when nobody is about and just ponder for a while. Sometimes, if I remember to listen, I can hear the universe and it amazes me.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Sometimes....
Sometimes I come across something that really does get under my skin. These are days when the human race disgusts me and I think about reclassifying myself and denying that I was ever connected. You read about things happening overseas in other countries that are truly wrong. Kids being sold to slavers and the sex-trade by their own parents and much much worse. It deeply saddens me and there's not much to do but take comfort that these things are not happening in my own country.
But now and then.....my illusions are shattered and I discover that evils just as great are being done to the most innocent and vulnerable members of our society - our children. In our own backyard (in our town) on this very day they are debating whether or not to charge a man with murder or manslaughter because he used lethal force on his two-year old nephew. Thats right folks....two. This child was two when this 'creature' roundhouse kicked him in the stomach and split his pancreas. The man that killed that child is a murderer - plain and simple - there is no 'debate' on the issue. What is worse is that this is not an isolated incident and nor is it the worst of what happens either and its happening in NZ on a regular basis. It is happening on a grand scale to children all over the world, from the individual crime against a child to the great political shams created so that some fatcat can roll around in more money or more land or more power. So much terrible suffering by so many so young.
There is a sickness in the human race that must go. It is the lack of respect for life, the lack of respect for anothers right to know the basic necessities of life - food, water, shelter and love. It is the dreadful pretense that we call ourselves human when so many of us have barely a humane bone in our bodies.
But now and then.....my illusions are shattered and I discover that evils just as great are being done to the most innocent and vulnerable members of our society - our children. In our own backyard (in our town) on this very day they are debating whether or not to charge a man with murder or manslaughter because he used lethal force on his two-year old nephew. Thats right folks....two. This child was two when this 'creature' roundhouse kicked him in the stomach and split his pancreas. The man that killed that child is a murderer - plain and simple - there is no 'debate' on the issue. What is worse is that this is not an isolated incident and nor is it the worst of what happens either and its happening in NZ on a regular basis. It is happening on a grand scale to children all over the world, from the individual crime against a child to the great political shams created so that some fatcat can roll around in more money or more land or more power. So much terrible suffering by so many so young.
There is a sickness in the human race that must go. It is the lack of respect for life, the lack of respect for anothers right to know the basic necessities of life - food, water, shelter and love. It is the dreadful pretense that we call ourselves human when so many of us have barely a humane bone in our bodies.
Monday, November 22, 2010
The ancestors gift
We have a certain habit in the western world to romanticize native ancestry a bit. We don't often hear of the ikky stuff we're not comfortable with but I think its a neccessary thing to know, just to keep things grounded. My Maori ancestors were into cannibalism and slaves.....ewwwww, I know, but nevertheless they did have some amazing ideas (none of which was Kai Tangata/manmeat or slavery). One in particular has been essential in my own developing, healing pschye. In complete contrast to their somewhat brutal lifestyle, I consider it to be quite an 'evolving concept' for me. Used in todays world and applied to the self-worth wounds we all know and wish we understood, it heals and helps to bring us past that which holds us back.
It is the concept of the self-universe. Old pre-christian Maori cosmology taught that each person is the center of their own universe. What is starting to work particularly well for me is the understanding that that is the only place I need to be.
As a child, regardless of whether or not we had the most caring parents in the world, we will have come to a point where we came to understand that we were not the centre of our parents universe - that somewhere something else came first. In that moment, our sense of self-worth is first wounded. And even with the most caring parents in the world, we cannot possibly be the centre of every decision at all times, simply because they too are human, with moments of selfishness and fear.
In many cases, the worst things in the world really did come first....and in others it may have been a perception of something coming first such as a new baby or a job. Whatever age we are at, when that happens, will govern how we continue to perceive each situation in our lives that re-illustrates the idea that we are not the centre of our parents universe. People will often go through their lives using the same coping mechanisms that they developed at that very age creating behaviour patterns from then on.
For me, as a miltary brat and the oldest of four, I often felt somwhat out-in-the-cold. Just about every oldest child I have ever met knows the words......'you're the oldest, you can cope' or something to that effect.
There's a special growing sense of invisibility with each child that comes into the family that you just kind of quietly ignore when you're the oldest girl. Isn't sibling placement fun! hehehe....we all have our hangups on that one. And military kids come to understand very early on that things like the career, booze, guns and mates will always come first. The pressies when they come home again for a bit are lovely but watching the next door neighbour go out with her Dad every weekend kinda outlines that perhaps something's lacking a bit in your own family dynamics. So I set about 'helping' without being asked to - even when people didn't want it - especially when they didn't want it cos clearly they needed it! Haha - its probably why oldest girls often have the reputation of being bossy. But it was my way of saying....no, no - you need me - I matter. I continued to behave this way well into my 30s before I recognised the behaviour pattern, what it did and where it came from and why it had to go.
So this is why the self-universe works for me........in my meanderings, I already understand that everything matters. All that lives and breathes matters on a deeply spiritual level. The life giving energy of the larger universe we live in feeds on the experiences we bring it. It takes it into itself and records it for all time and it all grows and creates life.
To know also that I am the centre of my own universe, which is the only place I need to be, changes everything. I no longer feel the need to paint myself into the centre of other people's universes like a child's drawing on a photo. That's a lot more energy I can put elsewhere! Thanks Tipuna/ancestors!
It is the concept of the self-universe. Old pre-christian Maori cosmology taught that each person is the center of their own universe. What is starting to work particularly well for me is the understanding that that is the only place I need to be.
As a child, regardless of whether or not we had the most caring parents in the world, we will have come to a point where we came to understand that we were not the centre of our parents universe - that somewhere something else came first. In that moment, our sense of self-worth is first wounded. And even with the most caring parents in the world, we cannot possibly be the centre of every decision at all times, simply because they too are human, with moments of selfishness and fear.
In many cases, the worst things in the world really did come first....and in others it may have been a perception of something coming first such as a new baby or a job. Whatever age we are at, when that happens, will govern how we continue to perceive each situation in our lives that re-illustrates the idea that we are not the centre of our parents universe. People will often go through their lives using the same coping mechanisms that they developed at that very age creating behaviour patterns from then on.
For me, as a miltary brat and the oldest of four, I often felt somwhat out-in-the-cold. Just about every oldest child I have ever met knows the words......'you're the oldest, you can cope' or something to that effect.
There's a special growing sense of invisibility with each child that comes into the family that you just kind of quietly ignore when you're the oldest girl. Isn't sibling placement fun! hehehe....we all have our hangups on that one. And military kids come to understand very early on that things like the career, booze, guns and mates will always come first. The pressies when they come home again for a bit are lovely but watching the next door neighbour go out with her Dad every weekend kinda outlines that perhaps something's lacking a bit in your own family dynamics. So I set about 'helping' without being asked to - even when people didn't want it - especially when they didn't want it cos clearly they needed it! Haha - its probably why oldest girls often have the reputation of being bossy. But it was my way of saying....no, no - you need me - I matter. I continued to behave this way well into my 30s before I recognised the behaviour pattern, what it did and where it came from and why it had to go.
So this is why the self-universe works for me........in my meanderings, I already understand that everything matters. All that lives and breathes matters on a deeply spiritual level. The life giving energy of the larger universe we live in feeds on the experiences we bring it. It takes it into itself and records it for all time and it all grows and creates life.
To know also that I am the centre of my own universe, which is the only place I need to be, changes everything. I no longer feel the need to paint myself into the centre of other people's universes like a child's drawing on a photo. That's a lot more energy I can put elsewhere! Thanks Tipuna/ancestors!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Re: Warrior Women
I was talking to a very dear friend the other day, whose been going through some pretty tough change for some time now. She was talking about a new tattoo that would mark a new way of being for her. And she said something so profound and so ordinarily lost for most women that it set me on a real bender this week.
She said...."I'm not a survivor, I am a warrior."
There's a huge difference to me because to say that you're a survivor implies that you were (and probably still are) a victim. When someone talks about a soldier living through 'the-battle-of-such-and-such', they don't say...."so-and-so is a survivor of the-battle-of-such-and-such'. They say, "so-and-so is a veteran of the-battle-of-such-and-such". An even if the word 'survived' is used, it's never in the context of the soldier being a victim in the first place. Victims are survivors when they win through their challenges - warriors are veterans.
Now don't get me wrong.....I'm not belittling the efforts of those who call themselves survivors - hell no. Until a week ago - so did I! It's no small feat to get through the garbage life can chuck at a person - life's a funny beast. What I'm saying is that with term survivor, we may not have entirely moved out of the arena of 'victim'. As a veteran of domestic abuse, there is has definitely been a subtle change in my thought patterns when I think of that time in my life. I believe that we can get further still in our healing processes by addressing ourselves as warriors rather than survivors.
She said...."I'm not a survivor, I am a warrior."
There's a huge difference to me because to say that you're a survivor implies that you were (and probably still are) a victim. When someone talks about a soldier living through 'the-battle-of-such-and-such', they don't say...."so-and-so is a survivor of the-battle-of-such-and-such'. They say, "so-and-so is a veteran of the-battle-of-such-and-such". An even if the word 'survived' is used, it's never in the context of the soldier being a victim in the first place. Victims are survivors when they win through their challenges - warriors are veterans.
Now don't get me wrong.....I'm not belittling the efforts of those who call themselves survivors - hell no. Until a week ago - so did I! It's no small feat to get through the garbage life can chuck at a person - life's a funny beast. What I'm saying is that with term survivor, we may not have entirely moved out of the arena of 'victim'. As a veteran of domestic abuse, there is has definitely been a subtle change in my thought patterns when I think of that time in my life. I believe that we can get further still in our healing processes by addressing ourselves as warriors rather than survivors.
Friday, April 16, 2010
A sense of self worth
Self worth.....not self esteem.......very, very different in my book. And it's fascinating to realise that every single case of depression that I have ever come to understand (including my own) has stemmed from a damaged sense of self-worth - the idea of your own preciousness. A damaged sense of self-worth always seems to begin in childhood and the consequences continue to ripple throughout our lives. A question that I have (amongst many of course) is.....are we born with this sense of preciousness intact or is it something we learn (or don't). In other words, do we already have it and it is taken by a death or a callous act.....or is it something that the people around us encourage us to feel & understand?
And the thing that gets on my bal-lee-lees is that even as a rational, reasoning adult, I can't seem to repair it - no matter what epiphanies or emotional techniques I come up with. It's like a spiritual memory just out of my reach. And I understand why some psychology exercises should technically work well to repair this kind of damage but don't - like the one where you get to shout at someone who is 'standing in' for one of the people who were the source of your pain. Maybe the damage is specific the person who caused it and surrogate techniques can't work because of it.
What I know is that I came to believe, as a very young child, that I didn't matter much. I kept it as a core belief all the way through into adulthood and even though I have a loving family of my own - this belief still persists.
However, having said all that - perhaps it's not so strong as it used to be. I have come to understand that every living thing is special to the universe because we are all unique from the moment we are conceived and every experience that we gain - every moment of understanding we achieve - enhances our uniqueness throughout our lives. Yes.......that's kinda cool and I think it definitely helps.
And the thing that gets on my bal-lee-lees is that even as a rational, reasoning adult, I can't seem to repair it - no matter what epiphanies or emotional techniques I come up with. It's like a spiritual memory just out of my reach. And I understand why some psychology exercises should technically work well to repair this kind of damage but don't - like the one where you get to shout at someone who is 'standing in' for one of the people who were the source of your pain. Maybe the damage is specific the person who caused it and surrogate techniques can't work because of it.
What I know is that I came to believe, as a very young child, that I didn't matter much. I kept it as a core belief all the way through into adulthood and even though I have a loving family of my own - this belief still persists.
However, having said all that - perhaps it's not so strong as it used to be. I have come to understand that every living thing is special to the universe because we are all unique from the moment we are conceived and every experience that we gain - every moment of understanding we achieve - enhances our uniqueness throughout our lives. Yes.......that's kinda cool and I think it definitely helps.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Re: Spiritual con men
My husband taped something for me the other day, and discovering it, I sat down tonight to watch it with keen anticipation. Its a short little piece on some holy man overseas somewhere and as I watch, my illusions of holy men in religions (other than those that I'm familiar with) are rapidly dissolving.
Now I don't need to mention him or where he's from because there are so many of them, just like him, in so many religions and spiritual practices. There they sit, having removed themselves from daily life, daily worries and mortal peril. They sit surrounded in opulent wealth, often wearing some sort of robe denoting poverty and simplicity, with thousands of followers hanging upon their every word. I was reading (about a month ago) about a couple just like it who live in India and charge westerners exorbitant fees to share their 'wisdom'. And don't think for a second that I'm excluding churches here.
To make it worse, the squares and commons that the 'gatherings' of these 'holy creatures' are held in, are usually the everyday home of the poorest of the poor. What's wrong with this picture?
So there I am thinking, you fake person sitting there pretending to be wise and wearing pretend-poor-mans robes. No wonder mankinds sense of spirituality is so up the bo-ay when these con-men and women are the ones telling people what to do and how to be.
Now I don't need to mention him or where he's from because there are so many of them, just like him, in so many religions and spiritual practices. There they sit, having removed themselves from daily life, daily worries and mortal peril. They sit surrounded in opulent wealth, often wearing some sort of robe denoting poverty and simplicity, with thousands of followers hanging upon their every word. I was reading (about a month ago) about a couple just like it who live in India and charge westerners exorbitant fees to share their 'wisdom'. And don't think for a second that I'm excluding churches here.
To make it worse, the squares and commons that the 'gatherings' of these 'holy creatures' are held in, are usually the everyday home of the poorest of the poor. What's wrong with this picture?
So there I am thinking, you fake person sitting there pretending to be wise and wearing pretend-poor-mans robes. No wonder mankinds sense of spirituality is so up the bo-ay when these con-men and women are the ones telling people what to do and how to be.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Why go back to an abusive partner?
Abusive relationships can happen to anyone......rich, poor, educated, women and yes also men.
I spent nearly 9 years in an abusive relationship. Towards the end of it all (when someone finally found out it was happening) somebody said to me, "Why don't you leave?" and my answer was, "Where am I gonna go?".
It's amazing when you're in that situation how much of a deep hole you think you're in. That there's nowhere to go and no-one to help. And that you're a weak weak person.
But thats not true and there's always someone who can help - you've just gotta reach out. However, having said that - there's a special kind of fear that stops you from doing that. Even when you've got a supportive family and some great friends - often nobody knows for years. And it's the same fear that often drives people back to the abuser - even if they do leave.
Everybody has a picture in their heads of their future and when you consider leaving the abuser - that picture of your future is completely blank and it's the most paralyzing thing in all the world - right next to the whole thing about what happens to you after death (not that that one bothers me anymore). It feels like there's nothing there but a blacker hole than the one you're in. And the bad place you're in...is at least the devil you know. To make it all that much harder to break away from, an abuser spends a great deal of energy from the start making sure you believe that they're all you've got and all you've ever have.
So how the hell does anyone ever get out of it?
You've gotta start by remembering your dreams and what you liked to do before you met this person. You were a living, breathing, dreaming human being before you met them - what makes you think you're not now? And where did you decide that you weren't entitled to be happy? That's a core belief that it's time to throw out. It doesn't serve you or anybody you love.
You've also got to acknowledge that we teach people how to treat us but at the same time we MUST realise that we deal with EVERY situation with whatever emotional tools we have at the time. Everybody does the best they can with what they have to work with - and that's half the trick to beating this - go find some other tools. That's why counselling can be so good because it gives you other 'tools' to work with - different ways to deal with things.
When you do go for counselling if you can, make sure you're talking to somebody who you can connect with. Someone who you feel is 'hearing' you (listening is not quite the same). If you don't connect with your counsellor - get another one and keep trying till you do. Don't struggle through it - that's an old habit you're GOT to change - you HAVE to connect with your counsellor. And if counselling is not available to you - use the help lines.
So anyway....you've sat down and freaked out and you're sitting there saying to yourself.......what the hell am I going to do - as if life was done and there is no more.
Here is what you're gonna do.....rebuild your picture of your future - it can be anything so long as its attainable by you and your abuser is NOT in it. My picture was owning my own restaurant - I was standing in the kitchen doorway, wiping my hands on a teatowel, watching people move between the tables. Never managed it but that doesn't matter - I flipped out, got a tatoo and went to art school instead - but hey!
You start with....."I always wanted to......"
Then you build a plan - like building blocks. And you start with where you've got to be to start your new life and you leave. Stop kidding yourself on how the partner's going to change because by the time they manage it (if they ever do) you'll probably be dead cos that's where that game ends up. Choose life.
Now I was lucky.....I was able to call my parents and move in with them for a wee while even tho it wasn't the best of options (a bit like jumping from one frypan to an older one) - but it was a start away from where I was. I quit my job, took what I could carry and moved to a city 300 km away. Don't be afraid to start again. Make like a hermit crab - if you're gonna have room to grow - you're gonna have to change your shell.
Now if there's no family you can go to, then there's almost always a mate or friend. And don't forget shelters. Not the best but its just a stepping stone to a better life - that's all it ever has to be.
If you build that new future in your head.....and you dedicate yourself to giving yourself the life you deserve (which a happy enriching life - no really it is)....you'll make it.
I know you will.
Good luck - know that you are precious.
Look at beautiful things and be happy.
Incidentally 12 years later.......I'm blissfully married to my soul mate (who I met at art school) and we have a beautiful little daughter whom I thought would never ever happen and plenty of wonderful friends that the ex said I would never have! So there!
I spent nearly 9 years in an abusive relationship. Towards the end of it all (when someone finally found out it was happening) somebody said to me, "Why don't you leave?" and my answer was, "Where am I gonna go?".
It's amazing when you're in that situation how much of a deep hole you think you're in. That there's nowhere to go and no-one to help. And that you're a weak weak person.
But thats not true and there's always someone who can help - you've just gotta reach out. However, having said that - there's a special kind of fear that stops you from doing that. Even when you've got a supportive family and some great friends - often nobody knows for years. And it's the same fear that often drives people back to the abuser - even if they do leave.
Everybody has a picture in their heads of their future and when you consider leaving the abuser - that picture of your future is completely blank and it's the most paralyzing thing in all the world - right next to the whole thing about what happens to you after death (not that that one bothers me anymore). It feels like there's nothing there but a blacker hole than the one you're in. And the bad place you're in...is at least the devil you know. To make it all that much harder to break away from, an abuser spends a great deal of energy from the start making sure you believe that they're all you've got and all you've ever have.
So how the hell does anyone ever get out of it?
You've gotta start by remembering your dreams and what you liked to do before you met this person. You were a living, breathing, dreaming human being before you met them - what makes you think you're not now? And where did you decide that you weren't entitled to be happy? That's a core belief that it's time to throw out. It doesn't serve you or anybody you love.
You've also got to acknowledge that we teach people how to treat us but at the same time we MUST realise that we deal with EVERY situation with whatever emotional tools we have at the time. Everybody does the best they can with what they have to work with - and that's half the trick to beating this - go find some other tools. That's why counselling can be so good because it gives you other 'tools' to work with - different ways to deal with things.
When you do go for counselling if you can, make sure you're talking to somebody who you can connect with. Someone who you feel is 'hearing' you (listening is not quite the same). If you don't connect with your counsellor - get another one and keep trying till you do. Don't struggle through it - that's an old habit you're GOT to change - you HAVE to connect with your counsellor. And if counselling is not available to you - use the help lines.
So anyway....you've sat down and freaked out and you're sitting there saying to yourself.......what the hell am I going to do - as if life was done and there is no more.
Here is what you're gonna do.....rebuild your picture of your future - it can be anything so long as its attainable by you and your abuser is NOT in it. My picture was owning my own restaurant - I was standing in the kitchen doorway, wiping my hands on a teatowel, watching people move between the tables. Never managed it but that doesn't matter - I flipped out, got a tatoo and went to art school instead - but hey!
You start with....."I always wanted to......"
Then you build a plan - like building blocks. And you start with where you've got to be to start your new life and you leave. Stop kidding yourself on how the partner's going to change because by the time they manage it (if they ever do) you'll probably be dead cos that's where that game ends up. Choose life.
Now I was lucky.....I was able to call my parents and move in with them for a wee while even tho it wasn't the best of options (a bit like jumping from one frypan to an older one) - but it was a start away from where I was. I quit my job, took what I could carry and moved to a city 300 km away. Don't be afraid to start again. Make like a hermit crab - if you're gonna have room to grow - you're gonna have to change your shell.
Now if there's no family you can go to, then there's almost always a mate or friend. And don't forget shelters. Not the best but its just a stepping stone to a better life - that's all it ever has to be.
If you build that new future in your head.....and you dedicate yourself to giving yourself the life you deserve (which a happy enriching life - no really it is)....you'll make it.
I know you will.
Good luck - know that you are precious.
Look at beautiful things and be happy.
Incidentally 12 years later.......I'm blissfully married to my soul mate (who I met at art school) and we have a beautiful little daughter whom I thought would never ever happen and plenty of wonderful friends that the ex said I would never have! So there!
Friday, January 15, 2010
What colour is it?
While we're musing on the subject of light, I've always found colour a particularly interesting thing too. When we see something that we call green (for example) it's actually everything but green. We are seeing green because that object is literally rejecting the green spectrum. And we see green because everything else in the white light spectrum has been accepted or absorbed.
I've always thought that that's pretty cool.
I've always thought that that's pretty cool.
Light....Wave or Particle?
Watching a few things on science lately and the whole theory of what light is seems to be a bit up the boo-aye. I'm sure there's other theories out there that I've not an inkling about but here's my take on the subject....
What if I said to you that light is neither a particle or a wave - that when its seen, the experience of light is based solely on the perception of the viewer.
Light is 'created' (in a way) when a collision occurs between two bodies. When the collision occurs a kinetic wave is produced. If that kinetic wave is moving at a certain frequency, the human eye will percieve it as light. When the wave starts to slow down, the human ear can percieve it as sound.
This happens regardless of what those two 'bodies' are. They can be hands or atoms.
And of course some animals don't see or hear the same frequencies that humans do, so naturally they would perceive a kinetic wave in a different fashion.
So there you go.
What if I said to you that light is neither a particle or a wave - that when its seen, the experience of light is based solely on the perception of the viewer.
Light is 'created' (in a way) when a collision occurs between two bodies. When the collision occurs a kinetic wave is produced. If that kinetic wave is moving at a certain frequency, the human eye will percieve it as light. When the wave starts to slow down, the human ear can percieve it as sound.
This happens regardless of what those two 'bodies' are. They can be hands or atoms.
And of course some animals don't see or hear the same frequencies that humans do, so naturally they would perceive a kinetic wave in a different fashion.
So there you go.
The Truth about Anger
Ok, I'm still angry about so many things but that's because it takes a while to stop being angry when you've been angry all your life. I've got 40 odd years worth of angry habits to sift through - I'm getting there. I'm happy with that.
But I did learn something very very helpful a few years back. An epiphany in fact. I love epipihanies - especially when I get them before the lesson comes around again in an extra extra bad way. And some of them have gotten pretty wicked.
Anyway......a relative did something that we don't need to go into and it made me so unbelievably angry. Far more angry than I've ever been in my life. Until then I had never understood a persons need to physically hurt someone - which was truly alarming I can tell you. It can be amazing what happens to a relatively rational person when their primitive brain gets fired up.
So anyway here it is. Anger is a diversion - well whoopee right? Bear with me. It diverts us from the real goings on of the situation. It diverts us from recognising the humanity behind what people do. Anger is like an ugly wrapping on the outside of a parcel. The parcel inside is the human reasons as to why somebody does something and believe or not - that really matters.
It's no good saying, "But I would never have done that to them." That's irrelevant because people can talk themselves into justifying anything they feel the need to. And that's the crux of the matter - they felt the need to. And that need has a name - fear or greed or guilt or anger or grief.
They are all human reasons - very very human reasons and for what its worth, we ALL do things we shouldn't have done because of those reasons - ALL of us.
The anger stops us from seeing that because if we see that we have to consider (for a moment) the things that we have done that we shouldn't have (and there's always something).
The beauty of it is this: you may not be able to forgive whatever was done to you but you can forgive the human reasons behind what was done. They are seperate. And in forgiving someone else's human failings it becomes easier to accept and forgive our own.
And once you get that far........it removes the parcel (we're back to the parcel/wrapping simile) from the inside of the wrapping and there's nothing to hold the anger up - it deflates. Walla! Kind of. Good luck.
But I did learn something very very helpful a few years back. An epiphany in fact. I love epipihanies - especially when I get them before the lesson comes around again in an extra extra bad way. And some of them have gotten pretty wicked.
Anyway......a relative did something that we don't need to go into and it made me so unbelievably angry. Far more angry than I've ever been in my life. Until then I had never understood a persons need to physically hurt someone - which was truly alarming I can tell you. It can be amazing what happens to a relatively rational person when their primitive brain gets fired up.
So anyway here it is. Anger is a diversion - well whoopee right? Bear with me. It diverts us from the real goings on of the situation. It diverts us from recognising the humanity behind what people do. Anger is like an ugly wrapping on the outside of a parcel. The parcel inside is the human reasons as to why somebody does something and believe or not - that really matters.
It's no good saying, "But I would never have done that to them." That's irrelevant because people can talk themselves into justifying anything they feel the need to. And that's the crux of the matter - they felt the need to. And that need has a name - fear or greed or guilt or anger or grief.
They are all human reasons - very very human reasons and for what its worth, we ALL do things we shouldn't have done because of those reasons - ALL of us.
The anger stops us from seeing that because if we see that we have to consider (for a moment) the things that we have done that we shouldn't have (and there's always something).
The beauty of it is this: you may not be able to forgive whatever was done to you but you can forgive the human reasons behind what was done. They are seperate. And in forgiving someone else's human failings it becomes easier to accept and forgive our own.
And once you get that far........it removes the parcel (we're back to the parcel/wrapping simile) from the inside of the wrapping and there's nothing to hold the anger up - it deflates. Walla! Kind of. Good luck.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Life, the Universe and Everything
We are saturated with life itself, as is every living thing that walks, crawls, glides, flies and shimmies across this universe.
Some people call it the Quantum field, some call it Akashic Energy (or the Akashic Records), the Japanese call it Che and the Chinese call it Qi and some call it the Life Priniciple. Each of us is alloted a portion of it at the moment of conception while (at the same time) still remaining part of the Great Ocean of energy that it is.
When we sit on the earth we are truly connected - we sit saturated and surrounded. And every experience we have, from the tiny to the enormous, is impressed upon it like a fourth dimension carbon copy in full colour.
And when our bodies are done with this world, we go to the other side (to join our loved ones) and the Life Principle is recycled. This is where our experience of past lives comes from, where our lifes lessons come from and where we get our affinities with other species. Our memories and experiences are moved on to be experienced on a spiritual level by the next living being to use the portion of Life Principle that we used during our lifetime on this earth. This is the true nature of reincarnation.
The Life Principle is not ours - it does not belong to us but it almost always feels this way because its consciousness (which is both simple and divine at the same time) has been alongside our own since the moment we were concieved.
And it is the stuff of the universe itself. Everything is special because its perspective is unique.
Gathering experiences is the purpose of life.
Some people call it the Quantum field, some call it Akashic Energy (or the Akashic Records), the Japanese call it Che and the Chinese call it Qi and some call it the Life Priniciple. Each of us is alloted a portion of it at the moment of conception while (at the same time) still remaining part of the Great Ocean of energy that it is.
When we sit on the earth we are truly connected - we sit saturated and surrounded. And every experience we have, from the tiny to the enormous, is impressed upon it like a fourth dimension carbon copy in full colour.
And when our bodies are done with this world, we go to the other side (to join our loved ones) and the Life Principle is recycled. This is where our experience of past lives comes from, where our lifes lessons come from and where we get our affinities with other species. Our memories and experiences are moved on to be experienced on a spiritual level by the next living being to use the portion of Life Principle that we used during our lifetime on this earth. This is the true nature of reincarnation.
The Life Principle is not ours - it does not belong to us but it almost always feels this way because its consciousness (which is both simple and divine at the same time) has been alongside our own since the moment we were concieved.
And it is the stuff of the universe itself. Everything is special because its perspective is unique.
Gathering experiences is the purpose of life.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Disappointing statistics
So, I'm bumming about on the internet and my husband says.......
"If we were to alot every human being a quarter acre of land, how much land do you think that would be? How much would it take?"
I shrugged and said, "I dunno - maybe about as big as Russia."
The answer folks, is about as big as Australia - that's it! Even about as big as Russia leaves quite a bit left but Australia!!!!!
I remember reading about a decade ago that 3 percent of the worlds military budget would solve every human crisis on this planet. It would provide every man, woman and child with decent food, water, shelter, education etc. 3 percent.
Zeitgeist is right - there really is so much abundance out there that we are just not sharing.
Now there are many wonderful things about humans and we do harbor great potential but when we look at statistics like this - it's official - we, as a species, suck so far. It's very disappointing.
I'm still not giving up my house though having said all that. I'll just have to join the rest of the selfish, frightened children.
"If we were to alot every human being a quarter acre of land, how much land do you think that would be? How much would it take?"
I shrugged and said, "I dunno - maybe about as big as Russia."
The answer folks, is about as big as Australia - that's it! Even about as big as Russia leaves quite a bit left but Australia!!!!!
I remember reading about a decade ago that 3 percent of the worlds military budget would solve every human crisis on this planet. It would provide every man, woman and child with decent food, water, shelter, education etc. 3 percent.
Zeitgeist is right - there really is so much abundance out there that we are just not sharing.
Now there are many wonderful things about humans and we do harbor great potential but when we look at statistics like this - it's official - we, as a species, suck so far. It's very disappointing.
I'm still not giving up my house though having said all that. I'll just have to join the rest of the selfish, frightened children.
Friday, January 1, 2010
A little more on impermanence
I've just a read a blog by a very nice lady on her thoughts regarding impermanence and the thing that stood out most to me was the fact that she was looking at impermanence from a purely physical standpoint. She was very concerned about her wrinkles and her weight and she was trying very hard to accept that these things are impermanence and that this is what our bodies do.
She didn't seem to really understand that impermanence is happening to us at the most base cellular level, at a spiritual level - every part of our being. I'm sure she will understand better if she thought about it a bit longer and past the ageing aspects.
I think impermanence is definitely easier to accept as a cellular and a spiritual thing......a growth tool if you will.
She didn't seem to really understand that impermanence is happening to us at the most base cellular level, at a spiritual level - every part of our being. I'm sure she will understand better if she thought about it a bit longer and past the ageing aspects.
I think impermanence is definitely easier to accept as a cellular and a spiritual thing......a growth tool if you will.
A bit about fear
We, as humans, fear change (or more precisely loss through change) more than anything. Every evil deed that has ever come about has happened because of fear. That is the base emotion behind every primal instinct of survival.
Flight or fight. Fight or flight. Them or me.
But here's the thing that suddenly occured to me in the wee hours of 2010.......
To fear change is to fear our very nature. We are changing every second of our existence as is everything else around us. Every breath, every thought, every step, every action is change. Our bodies are impermanence itself. On every level of our existence we are impermanent. Without impermanence there is no growth - either toward the light or the dark. Without impermanence there can be no learning and no evolving.
Impermanence is the nature of the universe and all that it creates.
Don't get me wrong here, I am (much to my annoyance) quite a fearful, anxious person. And a million fears travel through my mind on a regular basis. Silly ones and serious ones - real, possible and completely stupid. The fact of the matter is, losing your house or car or whatever possession holds your attention is kind of irrelevant - you will survive - somehow. You'll pick yourself up and start again because sometimes thats all there's left to do. I know that and I understand that. I've done that.
And losing loved ones - the worst thing in the world to me but even then I have a philosophical view that sort of works. I must have seen it in a movie or read it somewhere. A man picks up a teacup, empties the tea out onto the floorboards and asks, "is the tea still tea?". Yes it is....not tea in a teacup....but still tea. And I have had enough experiences to tell me without a doubt that we are souls in bodies while we walk this earth and when our bodies perish - we do not. I'd never make an Atheists ass. So I understand that we never actually lose our loved ones when they die - we lose the physical contact that we have become accustomed to but not them themselves. Not even the babies we lose before they should have been born. Been there too.
So how can I still be anxious? How can I still be fearful?
Maybe....the true source of anxiety is my resistance to impermanence. My failure to accept my own nature.....to accept impermanence.....
Hmmm....watch this space.
Flight or fight. Fight or flight. Them or me.
But here's the thing that suddenly occured to me in the wee hours of 2010.......
To fear change is to fear our very nature. We are changing every second of our existence as is everything else around us. Every breath, every thought, every step, every action is change. Our bodies are impermanence itself. On every level of our existence we are impermanent. Without impermanence there is no growth - either toward the light or the dark. Without impermanence there can be no learning and no evolving.
Impermanence is the nature of the universe and all that it creates.
Don't get me wrong here, I am (much to my annoyance) quite a fearful, anxious person. And a million fears travel through my mind on a regular basis. Silly ones and serious ones - real, possible and completely stupid. The fact of the matter is, losing your house or car or whatever possession holds your attention is kind of irrelevant - you will survive - somehow. You'll pick yourself up and start again because sometimes thats all there's left to do. I know that and I understand that. I've done that.
And losing loved ones - the worst thing in the world to me but even then I have a philosophical view that sort of works. I must have seen it in a movie or read it somewhere. A man picks up a teacup, empties the tea out onto the floorboards and asks, "is the tea still tea?". Yes it is....not tea in a teacup....but still tea. And I have had enough experiences to tell me without a doubt that we are souls in bodies while we walk this earth and when our bodies perish - we do not. I'd never make an Atheists ass. So I understand that we never actually lose our loved ones when they die - we lose the physical contact that we have become accustomed to but not them themselves. Not even the babies we lose before they should have been born. Been there too.
So how can I still be anxious? How can I still be fearful?
Maybe....the true source of anxiety is my resistance to impermanence. My failure to accept my own nature.....to accept impermanence.....
Hmmm....watch this space.
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